Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
