Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
