i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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