I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
