So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
