I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize