she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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