oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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