Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
