it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
