All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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