Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
