She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
