i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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