why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
