ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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