Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
