She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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