Just cropdusted the office
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
