well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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