I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
