You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
