That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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