Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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