Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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