Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
