Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
