I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
