our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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