some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
