mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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