thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
