Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
