I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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