My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
