Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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