Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
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That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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