He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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