hotel room ftw
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
