Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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