you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
