Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
