he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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