I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
