That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
