Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
