i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
