why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
