He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
