i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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