She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
