Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
