i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
