i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
