The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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