it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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