I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
