hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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