There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
