I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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