I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
