fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
