just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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