he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
