Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
