I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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