at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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