...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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