Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
