its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
