i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
