I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize