He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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