the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
