Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
