omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
