FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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