ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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