how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
