When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
