just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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