So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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