I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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