I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
