had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
