Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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