What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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